Wait, so you’re married but you don’t live together?

This is a question I get asked quite a lot. The answer is, yes. I am married.
And no, I don’t live with my husband.
It all comes down to doing our relationship our own way.
Let me explain.

When my husband and I started talking it was only 3 months after my marriage separation and neither of us thought it was going to be anything serious. He lives on the Gold Coast, QLD and I am in Cairns, FNQ and for the first few months it was all very casual and non-exclusive. I would see him each time I would go to Brisbane to visit my family and we would chat on facetime every night. It wasn’t until our first holiday together to Byron Bay, after talking for three months, that we had THE BEST TIME EVER (read: got drunk in our cabin and shared our deepest darkest secrets) and I realised that I liked him. Liked him a lot. I mean, I knew there was something about him I liked. I practically chased the poor guy and forced him to date me in the beginning *you’re welcome babe*, but I realized that I loved him after that trip. The road to making our relationship official was complicated by a few things. The fact that not only were we long distance, but I share 50/50 care of my daughter with her Dad which means I would never move away from where my ex-husband lives. And career wise, he has an amazing job on the Gold Coast that he would have to give up to move here.

Also, my new boyfriend was the brother-in-law of one of my closest friends since high school.
I still remember how shocked she was when I told her I was ‘talking’ with her bro-in-law. My hubby and I had never really moved in the same circles or had each other on social media. He had even been living overseas for about 6 years.
Fast forward to now, my friend and I are now sister-in-laws #GOALS.
These complications did lead to a 4 week separation but as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder and that’s when we both realised that this relationship was absolutely worth everything to the both of us.
The break was everything we needed to go all in and we decided to elope. Just us, in Byron Bay.
No engagement rings, no flowers, no venue. Just a kick ass celebrant and photographer (I’ll write
more about this in another post).

Marriage though, seriously? BUT YOU DON’T LIVE TOGETHER! I know, I know. We will get there eventually.

What I love about my hubby is that he has always allowed me to make my own decisions – like seriously I could say I’m going to shave my head and he’d be all “no worries babe”. It’s so liberating.
I even recently coloured my hair pink without telling him first and he was cool as a cucumber.

He has supported me through the death of our family matriarch, he’s championed me leaving my finance career and starting my organic skincare range and he’s been my biggest supporter of my co-parenting journey. He’s let me discover who I am as a woman and mother, a business owner, an eco-warrior, and a feminist.
I know he’s my person, and I am his. We just ‘get’ each other even though he is the most simple yet complex person I know.

So people, you don’t need a partner to survive, but when you get a good one who will support you and let you fix your own problems and make your own decisions then hold on to them.

Honestly, Sarah

Ps. We made a Byron Bay playlist with a few other random songs thrown in for good measure.

If you want to listen, its here. 

4 thoughts on “Wait, so you’re married but you don’t live together?”

  1. Semone Yelaska

    Super proud. Ive been through a lot as a person and never in my life would I have the guts to do what you have just done and said. You are so raw and honest to yourself that not many people on this earth can do that and to then share with the rest of the world. So hats off to you in trying to make a difference in today’s society and being able to share you life story. Xx

    1. Sarah@honestlysarah.com

      Thank you so, so much Semone. I had tears in my eyes reading that beautiful comment. You always have such beautiful things to say x

  2. I absolutely loved reading this. It’s so heart warming to see a couple out there, doing things their way, making their lives together the way it works for them.

    Very much how I see myself. Your amazing, can’t wait to read the next posts.

    1. Sarah@honestlysarah.com

      Thank you so much Sheri. It took me a while to get there and a lot of lessons had to be learned first but I’m so happy with where I am at.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *